


Hearing My Voice In Your Voice Is Music To My Ears (Seriously Though, You'll Be Hearing From My Lawyers)

by DontOffendTheBees



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Accents, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Prompt Fill, Undercover as Married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 16:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11165247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontOffendTheBees/pseuds/DontOffendTheBees
Summary: 'It had been so sudden, one moment Todd had just been Todd and the next-! It was bloody unexpected. Which was probably the main reason for his own strange physical reaction. God, it was a good job no one else was around to be caught in the blast radius! Imagine the civilian casualties! Cause of death: Todd's English accent. His spookily good English accent. It was unusual. It was unsettling. It was unnatural.And Dirk might just explode if he didn't hear it again.'In which Dirk is a textbook Anglophile, and Todd has hidden talents.





	Hearing My Voice In Your Voice Is Music To My Ears (Seriously Though, You'll Be Hearing From My Lawyers)

**Author's Note:**

> yoooooooooooo! little prompt fill for the wonderful lavellington- the prompt: Dirk discovers somehow that Todd is actually very good at doing a British accent, and is confused by his own reaction.
> 
> Ok so this might not be my best offering since I’ve only had time for one proofread- may go back over and tweak/fix it later. But I sure had a blast writing it so i hope you have a laugh reading it!
> 
> time for fluff, silliness and some slightly gratuitous hitchhiker’s guide references, enjoy! <3

Dirk had never been a fan of the word ‘Anglophile’. Frankly, he thought adding the word ‘phile’ onto any noun was unnecessarily pretentious at best and downright dodgy at worst. But, well, if the shoe fits!

See, Dirk _loved_ England. England and all things English. He loved that there were at least fifty different phrases just to say ‘it’s raining’. He loved fish and chips and thought they hadn’t tasted as good since the chippies stopped serving them in newspapers. He loved tea, brewed to perfection and, to paraphrase Victoria Wood, hot enough to melt the buttons on a flame-proof nightie.

And most of all, he _loved_ the accents. All of them, even the almost universally hated ones. Accents from the North, the South, from the bits around the middle. The cockneys, the Brummies, the Geordies. Every English accent was a good English accent. He formed his own in his youth by emulating his mother’s, and somehow held onto it through several years of primary school in the smarter end of Transylvania. It even survived his long and miserable overseas ‘education’ in Blackwing, and helped him blend in during his short stint at St. Cedd’s. It was _his_ English accent, and he wore it like a badge of honour.

Of all the things that had been difficult to adjust to on his move to the United States, the lack of familiar accents was among the most distressing. He missed chatting to nice old ladies from Yorkshire at the farmer’s market. He missed being insulted by the incredibly archetypal cockney street urchins in his old neighbourhood. He even missed being shouted at by the rather harried Scouse lady in the newsagents’ for nicking Freddos from under the counter (but honestly, what was he supposed to do, fork over thirty pence? Not a chance). Oh, sure, there were people from different backgrounds in Seattle, and he’d heard many a curious accent in his time with the agency, but it just wasn’t the same.

Fortunately, on the days when he was feeling homesick, there was always Netflix.

"Dirk?" Todd called over from the kitchen.

"Hm?"

"...How many episodes of Doctor Who have you watched today already?"

"Oh, it must be _well_ under... twelve."

He didn't need to look up to know Todd was rolling his eyes. "Well, better wrap it up- we have to go meet Farah."

"One more episode!"

"No way, we're already late! We were supposed to meet her at lunchtime."

"Time is an illusion- lunchtime doubly so. I'm sure we'll get there when we need to get there!"

"Right. And how did it go last time you used that excuse on her?"

"... _Fine,_ we'll go."

"Thought so," Todd smirked, knocking back the last dregs of his coffee.

Then he grabbed his denim jacket, scooped up his keys, and in the most eerily accurate David Tennant imitation ever exclaimed: "Allon-sy!"

And then he just _left,_ as if he hadn't just catapulted Dirk headlong into the bloody Twilight Zone.

_"...Blimey."_

* * *

 

There were no repeats of _The Incident_ throughout the following week. Which was probably for the best, since Dirk wasn't sure he'd entirely recovered from the first one.

He couldn't quite put his finger on what he'd been feeling when Todd had uttered those two little syllables. All he knew was that his face had felt warm and his belly felt fluttery and he'd temporarily had all thoughts that weren't action replays of the event banished from his head. It had been so _sudden,_ one moment Todd had just been _Todd_ and the next-! It was bloody unexpected. Which was probably the main reason for his own strange physical reaction. God, it was a good job no one else was around to be caught in the blast radius! Imagine the civilian casualties! Cause of death: Todd's English accent. His spookily _good_ English accent. It was unusual. It was unsettling. It was _unnatural_.

And Dirk might just _explode_ if he didn't hear it again.

Fortunately the universe was on his side in that matter, because he found the perfect opportunity for a little creative roleplay dropped right into his lap.

“Undercover, huh?” said Todd, unloading their overnight bags from the boot. “See, _this_ is more what I pictured when you said you were a detective.”

“Well, even I have to do things conventionally _sometimes.”_ Dirk took his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. “Now, you’re _sure_ you know our cover story?”

“Yeah, we’ve only been through it eighty times. I mean, it’s basically _our story,_ plus a wedding and minus the weird stuff.”

“And we’re both from England, now.”

“Yeah… remind me why that’s a thing again?”

“We can’t go in there being _completely_ ourselves, someone could recognise us!”

“So how come you’re not changing your voice? I think people round here would find a couple of British honeymooners a little more memorable than a local couple.”

“Oh, that’s easy. I can’t do accents.”

“Terrific.”

Dirk grinned, sweeping an arm towards the hotel. “Shall we, dear?”

Todd sighed, but his fond smile offset the annoyance. He hoisted his own bag up and set off walking, Dirk close behind.

It was a bloody nice place. It was certainly costing them a pretty penny to spend even a weekend in it- but this was the only lead they had on their money launderer, and Dirk just had to hope that the universe would repay them. Eventually. Todd marched purposefully up to the reception desk- and Dirk was glad he’d been building his self-confidence of late because it did _wonders_ for his undercover performance- and gave the receptionist an easy-going smile.

And then he talked, and Dirk felt his stomach turn another somersault.

“Hi!” said Todd, in an almost flawless mirror of Dirk’s own accent. “We have bookings for the weekend- under the name Prefect?”

The receptionist smiled, clicking a few keys on the computer. “Yes, let me just- yep! There you are, room 217.” She frowned, squinting at the screen and glancing between them. “It says one room, double bed, is that-?”

“Yes, that’s right,” Todd smiled, nodding towards Dirk. “My husband and I are on our honeymoon, actually.”

“Oh! Congratulations!” she beamed, tapping a few more keys. “Have you travelled far?”

“You could say that,” Todd replied, not fumbling in the slightest. “Plane just landed. Traffic over the Mediterranean was a nightmare!”

She laughed. Dirk would have too- he was _definitely_ stealing that joke- except he was still a little busy being stunned by how good Todd’s impression was. And more importantly, how shockingly bloody _charming_ he was being. ‘Charm’ and ‘Todd’ didn’t really seem like words that should belong in the same sentence. When had he got so good at this?! Dirk needed _answers._ And maybe a little sit down to collect himself and process.

“Well, I hope you enjoy your stay!” she glanced between them again, clicking her tongue thoughtfully, before looking back at the screen. “You know, no one’s booked out the honeymoon suite this weekend,” she said, hurriedly typing something else in and sending Dirk a wink. “How ‘bout I fix you guys up with an upgrade? No extra charge.”

Todd blushed and waved his hand. “Oh! That’s really not nece-!”

“No, no- consider it a wedding present,” she said with a smile, fishing two keys off the highest hook and handing them to Todd. “We hope you enjoy your stay at the Milliway Lodge, Mister Prefect! And, uh-?” she glanced at Dirk questioningly.

“Mister Prefect,” Todd supplied, beaming. “I’m taking his name.”

He turned away from the counter and caught Dirk’s hand, towing him towards the elevator. “Come on, love- we should get ourselves settled in before dinner!”

 _Love._ Oh good lord, Dirk’s brain was short-circuiting. “Yes, dear,” he managed to choke out, because he’d probably been _far_ too quiet throughout that whole exchange and he needed to act natural and like he wasn’t on the verge of an actual meltdown.

“Hey,” Todd said, under his breath and in his own accent as he pressed the call button on the lift. “You okay? You seem kinda shaky.”

“Yes, yes I’m- I’m fine,” Dirk breathed, watching Todd out of the corner of his eye because he felt like he might spontaneously combust should he look directly at him. He hadn’t accounted for how good the accent would sound on him. Hadn’t accounted for the possibility of Todd playing the charmer. _Definitely_ hadn’t accounted for the fact that they now had to stay ‘in-character’ for an entire weekend.

Oh, God, he had _severely_ miscalculated this.

…Maybe the novelty would wear off?

* * *

 

It did not.

Todd played his part well, never dropped his voice, and Dirk spent the majority of the weekend… mildly flustered.

Unfortunately they couldn’t hang around in their luxurious honeymoon suite all day talking in their nice, normal, non-confusing voices. They _were_ on a case, after all. Which meant getting out and talking to people, watching their comings and goings and just generally snooping around. Dirk found that for once, he was more than happy to let Todd do the talking.

He tried to tell himself, as he listened with rapt attention and a blush to Todd telling their partly-fictionalised life story, that this was just the homesickness mucking about with him. It had been so long since he’d had the chance to just sit and listen to other people talking in vaguely familiar accents, he was just a tad starved for it. But he was kidding himself and he knew it. It wasn’t just the accent it was…

It was _Todd._

It was the well-spoken, easy-going charmer he was playing. It was the elements of pure, unadulterated Todd-ness that sometimes snuck into the persona when he rolled his eyes at Dirk or cursed himself out for spilling his wine. It was the way he called Dirk by pet names he had never used before but still poured warmth and meaning (and yes, just a touch of dry sarcasm) into each one. It was listening to Todd, speaking in a dialect Dirk knew well, and imagining how perfectly he could have slotted into Dirk’s life long ago. Imagining the first day of university, free of Blackwing, feeling nervous and excited and buzzing with the possibility of it all, except maybe this time he made a new friend on day one. Someone small and grumpy with a heart of gold, who perhaps found him horrendously annoying at first but started coming over to his dorm to hang out more and more as time went by. Who showed him new music and kept them both caffeinated as they crammed for finals. Who stayed over one night because it was too cold and late to go back to his own dorm so he slept on the floor of Dirk’s and accidentally started a trend. Who maybe graduated from the floor at some point that neither of them could remember and now slept snuggled up against Dirk in the bed because that was a friend thing to do, wasn’t it? Or it _was_ , until one morning one of them closed that final gap with a sleepy kiss and suddenly they were right where they were always supposed to be, and it didn’t take a murder and a betrayal and some very confusing time travel to see it this time.

It was just possible that Dirk was getting a little too swept up in the fantasy.

Which was fine! The important thing was just not to let Todd catch on, and everything would be just-

“Dirk, what is it with you and this voice?”

…Shit.

“What? Nothing! No, there’s- what voice? That’s your normal voice, isn’t it? Oh, you’ve been- you’ve been doing a _voice_ this entire time? I hadn’t noticed.”

“Right,” said Todd, slipping back into his normal accent as the elevator doors slid shut. “And that’s why you just told me I should keep it up in our room ‘just in case anyone’s listening in?’”

 _Shit_. “…Yes?”

Todd gave him one of his trademarked _I know you’re full of shit_ looks. It was a very hard look feign innocence to.

But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. “I’m just… being careful,” he said, head twitching. “No sign of our man yet- for all we know he could be tailing us. I’ll bet he’s been up there all day, planting microphones in our suitcases.”

_“Dirk.”_

He shut his mouth.

Todd sighed nudging him with his elbow. “C’mon, I’m serious. You’ve been weird and quiet all weekend, you keep staring at me when I’m doing it. What’s going on?”

“I just…” he shrugged, glancing at Todd and smiling a little awkwardly. “Think it suits you. A little.”

He was half-afraid Todd would tease him for it. He probably deserved to be teased for it.

But Todd just blinked owlishly at him, and blushed. “Oh. Is that- is that all?”

It would be easy enough to just say yes and flirt a bit more- Todd had the look in his eye that suggested further flirting would be followed by kissing, which Dirk was all for. But… he actually sort of _wanted_ to tell Todd about his daydreams. Wanted to tell him that he’d spent the majority of this weekend quietly fantasising about another time and place where they met under normal circumstances and became friends anyway. Another universe where their relationship grew slowly and naturally, without the burden of all that fear and death and bloody mental _stuff_ that threw them together the first time.

“Well,” he said, rocking on his heels. “I suppose it’s also… nice. Thinking about you and England, England and you, all in the same sentence. I think you’d like it there.”

Todd smiling, eyes crinkling at the corners. “We should go sometime. Not on a case, just… just ‘cause.”

“Yes, I’d like that,” Dirk said softly as the elevator dinged, the doors opening out onto their floor. He kept quiet as they walked to their room and Todd unlocked the door, still a little uncertain whether he really wanted to tell Todd everything that was going on in his head.

…Oh, bloody hell, _of course_ he did.

“I was just thinking,” he said, shrugging off his dinner jacket and hanging it on a nearby chair. “It would have been nice to have known you. Back in England.”

Todd frowned. “How d’you mean?”

“I mean… if you had lived there too, for some reason,” said Dirk with an attempt at a nonchalant shrug. “We’re about the same age- maybe you would’ve gone to university with me. Maybe we would’ve have become close- after some rocky beginnings, no doubt. We could’ve been friends. Maybe even more than friends, like we are now, given time. It’s just…” he shrugged again, aware that he was probably doing it far too much and yet unable to stop himself. “I don’t know. It’s a nice idea.”

Todd stared at him, brows furrowed, and sat down slowly on the bed. “Dirk… no offense, but that’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.”

Ouch. “Oh. I thought it was nice.”

“Dirk, have you listened to _any_ of the stories I’ve told you?” said Todd, shrugging off his own jacket and throwing it across the bed. “When I was in college I was… I was an _asshole._ I was selfish, and lazy, I’m pretty sure I was stoned like ninety percent of the time. I hung out with three other people because I was in a band with them, and I was a standoffish jerk to everyone else. If we’d met back then, I probably would have ignored you, or said something shitty to you, and you would’ve given up on me and we wouldn’t be…”

He trailed off, looking down at his hands, and taking a deep breath, eyes fluttering closed. “I know you know about all that stuff already, I just… I don’t like to think about you knowing it,” he shrugged, planting his hands on the bed. “I don’t want anything to do with that person anymore, and I don’t want you to, either.”

Dirk walked over and sank down onto the bed beside him, watching his face with curiosity. It wasn’t often he got to see Todd in a moment of emotional openness, and the slightest twitches of his expression were just as captivating every time.

Todd looked up at him with a small, sad smile. “I just… I want that guy to stay in the past, where he belongs. I know I’m still not exactly perfect, but… I want you to know this me. The best version of me. Or at least, the less sucky version. I know it sounds kinda stupid-“

Dirk was already shaking his head. “It doesn’t sound stupid at all. It’s… I understand. I suppose twenty year-old me wasn’t exactly a catch either, to be honest. There was that whole thing with the exam papers…” He leaned his head on Todd’s shoulder, closing his eyes. “I just thought… it would have been nice. To have had a friend.”

Silence fell, and it wasn’t exactly comfortable but it was… something. Something nice and warm and just a tiny bit bittersweet.

Then Todd twined his fingers through Dirk’s, resting his chin lightly against his hair. “You think twenty year-old you could have convinced me to be less of an asshole?”

Dirk grinned, turning his head to press a light kiss against Todd’s throat. “I can be _very_ persuasive… I’m sure I would’ve charmed you eventually.”

“Well,” said Todd, and Dirk could hear the smile in his voice. “If anyone could do it, it’d be you… but you know back then I would have a hundred percent been one of the guys who paid you for test cheats, right?”

“Oh, I’m sure of it.”

“Good. So we understand each other.”

“Yes… I suppose we do.” Dirk grinned, nuzzling a little further into the crook of Todd’s neck. “You know what, Todd? I don’t think anyone’s ever understood me better than you.”

“…Yeah. Yeah, same to you.” Todd snorted. “Pretty weird, right?”

“Bloody mental.”

“…Do you really like my English accent that much?”

“Oh, _God,_ yes. You sound like James Bond. When did you get so good at doing that?”

“I’ve been dating a British guy for six months, I’ve picked up some stuff. Also you watch the same shows a lot. Y’know, it probably says something about you that you’re attracted to your own accent.”

“Only on you!”

“Well, don’t get too attached to it- soon as this case is done I’m dropping the act. It’s fucking exhausting.”

“I completely understand,” said Dirk with a slow nod. Then he furrowed his brow and peered up at Todd through his lashes. “…could we keep some of the pet names?”

Todd met his gaze with a totally flat expression. Fortunately, Dirk knew exactly which smile to use to make it crumble. “…You can pick _two.”_

* * *

 

“Well!” Dirk exclaimed, throwing his bag in the boot. “I thought that went rather well!”

“Dirk, three people got stabbed and we burned the hotel down.”

“Yes, but no one died, did they? Look at the glass half full for once!”

Todd scowled and scrubbed in vain at the soot on his face. “Well, at least we got our guy- or, uh, the cops did. Guess we’re not getting paid for this one.”

“Day’s not over yet- I’m sure something’ll turn up!”

They climbed into the car- Todd decisively taking the wheel so he needn’t fear for his life- and fastened their seatbelts. Todd started the engine and glanced at Dirk, smirking. “So. You gonna miss _Arthur Prefect?”_ he teased, accent making a reappearance.

“Possibly,” said Dirk with a bright smile. “But I’ve got Todd Brotzman- what more could a man want?”

Todd rolled his eyes, but all the soot in the world couldn’t hide the blush on his cheeks. “Well, good. If I never have to do an accent again it’ll be too soon.”

“…Of course, if Arthur wants to visit again, my birthday’s in-“

“Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it.”

**Author's Note:**

> eyyyyyyyy there we go a bit of silly fluff for ya. thanks so much for the prompt dear, i love love LOVE it! (didn’t mean to get all emotional in the middle there but you know how this stuff goes down)
> 
> got a ton of lil one-shots in the works which i’m weaving in around my big bang and stuff, so i’m sure you’ll be seeing something else from me soon! like i said, i wouldn’t mind stopping back to fix this one up a bit sometime too, but we’ll see how the time works out!
> 
> (also dirk is ford prefect fight me)
> 
> thanks for reading! <3


End file.
